We loose things.
Its one of those things that we eventually loose but heck, idealism is hard to regain if you've been to jaded since you were a kid. When reality blasts you in the face since you were young, all you could do is live your own life with some principles you know that will push through even if reality bites back at us. Maybe that's what's left in me, a few principles here and there, few beliefs, and lots of disillusioned ideals. So I find it really hard to be an idealistic doctor/person/student when you grew up seeing the SAD, SAD REALITY that is and always will be there. Realities like poverty, lack of power to help those you want, continuous rejection of good ideas that is aimed to help, and a lot more things that you see everyday since I was a kid back then. That's why I decided to be a doctor, because helping people is so easy while being a doctor and the satisfaction from helping a person/individual could never be replaced by money.
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Now, aside from being to jaded, I am being accused of being too uptight. I really don't know but heck its either the generation I grew up with is too loose for the standards my parents/clan or I AM too uptight. But I think it is the former because their actions won't be accepted by my family. SHIT. But still I can't help thinking what the hell has become of me? I just don't understand and adding the comment of trying to go back to your childhood doesn't apply to me (It's like a Michael Jackson moment) so I couldn't really figure it out. So where do the hell should I go back too? Happy times? Which are so few and are not really child like happy things that they say, its more of the adult accomplishments that I'm happy about, and adopting a father figure that I never had. SO whats left for me? WORK? Well I really love to work but heck I just so often wish I could just work and work. But they say, there is life outside of work, which I dunno what the hell are they saying about. HAhahaha.
So I just hope I do change for the better that I may find the thing that I'm longing for when I look into the clouds. However covered they may be, there is that vast and unending sky above it and the darkness that I may rest upon.
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A message to a person I really really like:
YOU:
I am really sorry. I don't know what are the things that made you mad, but I think it is enough reason not to talk to me the whole summer and why would you avoid me. I'm really trying to avoid you, just to let you know I'm really, really sorry. And since you wouldn't talk to me, I just thought maybe, that would make you happy. I just hope its the right thing to do. I the only thing I know that might have offended you, is falling for you and frankly I am sorry for that, but I just couldn't help it since from the start I was attracted to you. I'm also sorry for being a friend with not so pure intentions but lastly I just want to see you happy. And if going away would be the answer, I wouldn't mind, seeing you happy or being a reason for you to be happy enough for me. I really don't know if the friendship could survive after this, I too hope for it but if you wish we part ways, I'll just treasure the days that you've been with me. You were like the wind to my storm, you made me strong with out me knowing it, and I'm really sorry if you think I took it for granted. I really miss you. And if, you think it could be mended, could I ask a little favor? Could I be aloof for while? I just want to this other part of me that really likes you more than a friend. So I could be the friend that you want me to be. And if the friendship wouldn't survive, Could I say goodbye to you? Just this once? For the first female friend that made in UERM? For being the person that made me realize that I am not alone. And to the person I am most fond of And I hope someday when we meet again, being friends won't be so hard to be again. I wish you all the happiness the world could give you. Good bye...
Your seatmate/friend/person you are currently treating like shit and IS FEELING LIKE SHIT....
Its one of those things that we eventually loose but heck, idealism is hard to regain if you've been to jaded since you were a kid. When reality blasts you in the face since you were young, all you could do is live your own life with some principles you know that will push through even if reality bites back at us. Maybe that's what's left in me, a few principles here and there, few beliefs, and lots of disillusioned ideals. So I find it really hard to be an idealistic doctor/person/student when you grew up seeing the SAD, SAD REALITY that is and always will be there. Realities like poverty, lack of power to help those you want, continuous rejection of good ideas that is aimed to help, and a lot more things that you see everyday since I was a kid back then. That's why I decided to be a doctor, because helping people is so easy while being a doctor and the satisfaction from helping a person/individual could never be replaced by money.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now, aside from being to jaded, I am being accused of being too uptight. I really don't know but heck its either the generation I grew up with is too loose for the standards my parents/clan or I AM too uptight. But I think it is the former because their actions won't be accepted by my family. SHIT. But still I can't help thinking what the hell has become of me? I just don't understand and adding the comment of trying to go back to your childhood doesn't apply to me (It's like a Michael Jackson moment) so I couldn't really figure it out. So where do the hell should I go back too? Happy times? Which are so few and are not really child like happy things that they say, its more of the adult accomplishments that I'm happy about, and adopting a father figure that I never had. SO whats left for me? WORK? Well I really love to work but heck I just so often wish I could just work and work. But they say, there is life outside of work, which I dunno what the hell are they saying about. HAhahaha.
So I just hope I do change for the better that I may find the thing that I'm longing for when I look into the clouds. However covered they may be, there is that vast and unending sky above it and the darkness that I may rest upon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A message to a person I really really like:
YOU:
I am really sorry. I don't know what are the things that made you mad, but I think it is enough reason not to talk to me the whole summer and why would you avoid me. I'm really trying to avoid you, just to let you know I'm really, really sorry. And since you wouldn't talk to me, I just thought maybe, that would make you happy. I just hope its the right thing to do. I the only thing I know that might have offended you, is falling for you and frankly I am sorry for that, but I just couldn't help it since from the start I was attracted to you. I'm also sorry for being a friend with not so pure intentions but lastly I just want to see you happy. And if going away would be the answer, I wouldn't mind, seeing you happy or being a reason for you to be happy enough for me. I really don't know if the friendship could survive after this, I too hope for it but if you wish we part ways, I'll just treasure the days that you've been with me. You were like the wind to my storm, you made me strong with out me knowing it, and I'm really sorry if you think I took it for granted. I really miss you. And if, you think it could be mended, could I ask a little favor? Could I be aloof for while? I just want to this other part of me that really likes you more than a friend. So I could be the friend that you want me to be. And if the friendship wouldn't survive, Could I say goodbye to you? Just this once? For the first female friend that made in UERM? For being the person that made me realize that I am not alone. And to the person I am most fond of And I hope someday when we meet again, being friends won't be so hard to be again. I wish you all the happiness the world could give you. Good bye...
Your seatmate/friend/person you are currently treating like shit and IS FEELING LIKE SHIT....
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